Oliver Sacks, What Hallucinations Reveal About Our Minds
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“Find a cure, find a cure for my life.” “Oh my God! You think I’m in control” No truer lyrics after a nervous breakdown.Oh my God-Ida Maria
You think I’m in control? Oh my God
From the Indianapolis Business Journal:
Dr. Alexander B. Niculescu, a psychiatrist at the IU School of Medicine, has won a five-year, $1.5 million grant from the National Institutes of Health to hunt for the presence of certain proteins in the blood that would indicate that a person…
Good. I hope eventually it becomes the kind of test you can pick in a drug store like a pregnancy test, or now, a paternity test. There are some people I’d like to test.
(via Verysociallyawkward)
I’m not saying this is exactly how I feel… But there were times when I felt this way.
Didi: Stu, what are you doing?
Stu: Making chocolate pudding.
Didi: It’s four o’clock in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Stu: Because I’ve lost control of my life.
This. So much.
The reality of It’s Kind of a Funny Story, [Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden’s] emo-poseurish latest, is … disappointing; it’s the worst kind of post-ironic, my-week-of-healing dramedy, set in an NYC mental ward in which cute patients flirt, tease and scamper around hallways like runaways in a John Hughes film.
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Joshua Rothkopf review of the film adaptation of It’s Kind of a Funny Story in Time Out New York (via fuckyeahmentalhealth) I’m dissappointed to read this. I had high hopes for this movie. Mainly because when I first heard the title, I thought, Hey that’s so true! It IS a funny story, kind of (And considered giving this blog that name if it had not already been taken). But I may or may not be able to sit through anything that “cutesies” up the reality of treatment in a mental hospital. They don’t have to be bad places, I’ve been told, but from my own experiences I know they easily can be. And the guys there? Not even cute. |
A piece of advice: When meeting your therapist, don’t lead with the story about the time your psychosis landed you in a mental hospital. There are better first impressions to make. Start by having him or her analyze your auditory hallucinations instead!
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$118 out-of-pocket for a visit to the dermatologist. Since starting Lithium, I’ve been breaking out worse than ever. It would have been nice to wait until I had health insurance again, but having a pre-existing condition (BPD) and an intern stipend for an income makes it all a bit too complicated to sort through while your face feels like it is on fire. I saw this device on the wall while waiting for the doctor to come in to the examination room. It was like it knew I was coming and sat there waiting as if to say, “Are you laughing yet?”
Therapy Nuggets
So, as explained in my bio, I haven’t had any therapy following my mental breakdown, psychotic episode, and subsequent diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder (BPD). I have a comically terrible psychiatrist who, after looking through my files to remember my name, has me remind her which prescription she is writing out for me that day. With no attempts at small talk, she hands me my prescription, says, “Okay, 30 days,” and shuts her door behind me. For the longest time, I thought she was my therapist. It added to that, “Is this real life?” feeling you get when things suddenly make too little sense.
As of today (9/29), I have had two 45-minute therapy sessions. Once a week, early in the morning. To no one in particular, I call them “Therapy Nuggets.” Before I even get started, I know the suggested serving is not going to be enough. But I like my therapist, she reminds me of Angelique from All That. But you know, probably not 12 years old.
So far, we’ve discussed the nature of my breakdown, perfectionism (or rather, how much more I prefer the term “particular”), and assigning blame to people other than myself. There’s other things we discuss, but my brain is so resistant to this process that I have trouble remembering what all gets said. I can’t even remember my therapist’s last name, though she’s told me 3 times by now. And I keep forgetting to write down issues I’d like to discuss, which I also have a lot of trouble remembering during sessions. So yes, I am mentally fighting this process tooth and nail. But I’m emotionally invested and somehow I make there, less than 10 minutes late every time.
